ACCEPTANCE : LEFT UNSPOKEN

:(

i was so sad for the simple words "i love you" was left unspoken..

i have a sister named Dolly..we were not that close because of our age gap, she was 38 and i'm 20. She had a happy family, 3 children and a loving husband. But unfortunately, her life ended last month, February of 2009. She may be gone but she will always be loved and remember for the rest of my life..

the moment i received the call from my sister who is a nurse and on duty on that day at the hospital, i was so shocked and i didn't know what to do. Ate Doll was at the intensive care unit for 2 days and all of us were hopeless because her blood clot was located in the brain stem. And then they decided to transfer Ate Doll at the private room and it was almost midnight when Ate Doll was transferred. On her first hours Ate Doll was pale but later that morning they were all screaming and shouting for joy when they saw Ate Doll's arm raised. We had our hopes back again, all of us were hoping and praying for her recovery. I arrived at around 3pm at the hospital. all of the MES-parents who became her friends were all there, talking to her. And in my own two eyes i saw Ate Doll moved her hand again and again. All of us are waiting for the neurologist to come for his diagnosis. When he came he said that those were reflexes, but how can it be a reflex when she was able to raise her hand so high?? We never did lose hope because later that night Ate Doll was able to move her back when my sister and i were wiping her like she was trying to tell us that it tickles her. We prayed the Rosary, did pray overs all of our faith was tested by God and i can say that it strengthen our faith in him even though later that dawn at around 1am,Ate Doll's vital signs dropped. �That time i was at home and i was not able to get sleep well, maybe because of what happened at the hospital. we found out about her death at around 4am and i was also troubled on how to tell it to my mother and she noticed it.. �She stared crying and so was i.. �All we did was to comfort Mama because she too was hypertensive. �it was like my whole world was crashed.. �until now i really can feel Ate Doll's presence especially when i dreamed of her and she said "I'm always around" (she spoke in our dialect). �i can still feel that she is just there at their house and taking care of her children. �honestly, i still can't accept the face that she's gone.

ATE DOLL, I KNOW THAT YOUR JOURNEY IN LIFE HAS ENDED. �AND MINE TOO WILL ALSO BE IN GOD'S TIME, I WILL AND I CAN HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY OF TELLING YOU THESE SIMPLE WORDS THAT NOT ONCE I HAVE TOLD YOU THAT..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! I MISS YOU ATE DOLL..YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE IN MY HEART TILL THE END OF TIME!!
Posted by rinafrancesca on 04/18/2009 07:09 AM

Comments (7)

paperpile is offline top paperpile said on 04/22/2009 05:01 PM :

Dear!

i can tell how exactly you feel ...
i have an elder brother who passed away September 2007, we had a big age gap, 14 yrs in between .. yet we were the closest on earth.
he just died .. no introductions .. no sickness .. no nothing .. all of a sudden we found ourselves facing the fact that he is just not there any more, we never thought the day would come to find our selves waiting for his body to arrive in a coffin at the airport to bury him in his homeland here ..
he was and he is still that loving angel in the life of each one of us, and in the lives of those who knew him and those he passed by ..
all we can do now is to hold on to the good memories and all the spoken and unspoken words and emotions ..
figuring out the wisdom beyond all of our losses and even winnings is not an easy thing to do .. but time all along the way will surely tell ..
we just need to open our hearts wide to whatever comes next .. with acceptance and peacefulness .. which is another trip to go through ..
wish you and your family all the peacefulness in the world ...

passionate_freak is offline top passionate_freak said on 04/24/2009 08:48 AM :

m really sorry...



but journey never ends until we are desolved to the Supreme Power....your sister is now on another journey...

no matter what peopel or the science belive....life never ends....the death is not the final thing...it just helps us to start another ....

paperpile is offline top paperpile said on 04/26/2009 02:40 AM :

this is so true passionate freak.. life when starts, it never ends .. it's just another form .. another journey (:
so we all should not be sad for letting go our beloved go on with their new journeys ..
Today my uncle passed away .. i've been trying to convince my cousins' to be happy for him by my attitude ..

sure we can't prevent sadness when it's all fresh .. but if we love them true and want their best.. we must let go .. coz we all will face the time .. when we need to be let go too ..
let go of the habit of our physical existence .. coz it keeps us from merging with that supreme power ..

your sister is on her way to merge and unite more with that Power.. in a world with no sadness and pains and all sorts of moralities... (:

rogers is offline top rogers said on 05/19/2009 02:51 PM :

I am glad that you believe in the Blessed Virgin Mary. I know your sister's soul is resting in eternal peace near our Mother Mary. Always remember that God gives and takes away. But we know and believe that one day we shall meet with loved ones departed. Convey my condolences to your family and the old Maama. I pray that you have courage.
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rinafrancesca is offline top rinafrancesca said on 05/27/2009 10:52 AM :

thank you everyone!!

i appreciate it so much!!



-rina

cherieholic is offline top cherieholic said on 05/28/2009 09:08 AM :

i am so sorry for your lost. I cried when i finished reading your blog. i don't know what to exactly say right now. but i want to let you know it's brave of you to write this. wherever your ate is, she knows you love her. my age gap with my 3 year old bro is also 18 yrs by the way, lol.

rinafrancesca is offline top rinafrancesca said on 09/02/2010 11:40 AM :

thank you cherieholic i appreciate it so much..i still miss her so so much as much as i miss my papa too..